Halloween Party

We had one of our most fun Halloween parties to date on Saturday night. We had around 20 people come over and I don't think some of us have laughed that much in a long time. I was a night that was needed, enjoyed and will continue to be cherished.

This is me (as a Sheriff) hanging out with our "Grumpy Gramps" that kept waking up and scaring people because they didn't know he was animated.

We had a lot of great food (with hardly any leftovers). We did some of our old favorites such as stuffed jalapenos and sweet & sour meatballs; as well as add some new hits such as tenderloin cups and crab rangoon puffs. On the table of above shows most of the food we had.

The biggest hit (other than the hosts, costumes and food of course) was the new furniture with the fire pit. I hardly ever got to sit down because other than mingling with my guests, once someone got a seat on the furniture, they wouldn't move. Later, once it got down to just a handful of us I finally got to sit for a while. I can see why people wouldn't move, that set if REALLY comfortable and it's really nice with the fire going as long as you keep the lighter fluid away from certain people. 

I had a lot of help with setting up both the decorations, cleaning the house, food and cleaning up the table after the party. Now is the unfortunate time when I get to continue cleaning the house, take down all the decorations and put them away by myself. Everything got put up in 1 1/2 days, taking down with no help might take me a week or so. Oh well. It's a small price to pay for the great time had by all especially me.
I'm so fortunate for the people in my life and the love that they continue to show me. Hopefully they will help my scary future better knowing what it's worth.

If you already had or have gone to a Halloween party this year, I hope you had as much fun as we did and made it home safe. If Halloween isn't over for you, be safe and watch out for the monsters ;)

Love to you all!

PET results

Saw the doctor again yesterday. The PET scan showed that the cancer is localized and has not metasisized elsewhere in my body, so that's good news.

The bad news is he still says that the large surgery is my only option for survival and he recommends doing it as soon as possible.

Ron wants me to go to MD Anderson but I told him I want to stay here in town because that's where most of my friends and family are. He understands.

I have a really long road ahead of me, please be patient with me as I try to heal and forgive me for I know are going to be some really bitchy days.

Thanks for all of your love and support, keep it coming!

bad news

I saw my oncologist yesterday and he confirmed that the cancer is back. I can't have radiation because they did it so aggressively last year that it caused too much scar tissue. I could have chemo again but he said that it would only slow it down a little.
So here are my options.
I can leave it alone and have less than a year to live.
OR
I can have surgery called Total Pelvic Exenteration. It's approximately a 12 hour, highly extensive, highly dangerous procedure that involves a full hysterectomy, my bladder and colon removed and two ostomies are created, one for urine and one for stool. Which means wearing bags for how long the surgery gives me to live.
Obviously, we are going to get 2nd and 3rd opinions. But from the reading I've done, this procedure is recommended for recurrent, advanced cancer.
Obviously, I've been a total wreck since yesterday afternoon when I found out. I have a PET scan today. Which if it's spread more, might make things worse. Last year, a lymph node and my tail bone "lit up" under the PET. The radiation was supposed to kill all of the cancer there but it hasn't been checked except for CT scans (which came back looking fine). So keep your fingers crossed that the PET doesn't show anything other than the cervix lighting up. Because if it does, I might not have any options.

surgery/results

Ok, so I had outpatient surgery last Thursday. My oncologist went in to get a better look and do some biopsies. The good news is, my bladder came back fine. It's still painful but he is chalking it up to scar tissue from the radiation.
Now for the bad news. My nurse told me that microscopically, my cancer is still there. I go see the doctor on Monday (15th) to discuss what's next. For sure, he will be doing another PET scan to see where we stand.
I just don't understand. The past 2 1/2 years have been so hard. I've lost both of my parents and dealt with this cancer bullshit. I know I've become a stronger person because of it, but damnit how much stronger am I supposed to get? I've lost friends in this process but I've also gained some. I've been on the other side, I know people don't know how to "handle" the situation and feel like they have to tiptoe. But I am still me. I just happen to have cancer. I go into this with the attitude that I'm going to kick the cancer's ass so that one day, I can be considered a survivor instead of a patient. I know I'm rambling but obviously, today is not a great day.
Thanks for "listening" FUCK CANCER

Love to you all.